it is like searching from somewhere..something that you feel you need it.
it is the need for the moment .
something like a book that you wanted to find out where it is kept in a messy cupboard..or like an old pair of tshirt you suddenly felt the urge to wear..
and you start searching for it.
i think 24-7 ..and i would really need another garima to note down what i thought..because i cant sit and recall...
its like running water..but when i sit and stare ..i can recall bits of it...bits of what i WANT..
is it possible that you just cannot find what you want?...what if you 'knew' that the book is in the shelf and you are digging the shelf soo badly to get IT..and you are just not able to find it still..
no right? if it is present there..all you have to do is search for it.
something similar happens to my belief system.i believe....belief is the most effortless thing.. it is there..always and it keeps us going ..as if we are born to find that..(the book? the tshirt?)
belief is having confidence in TRUTH...how truthful are we to ourselfs? our wants and our needs?
it has got nothing to do with the mask that we wear on your faces and step out into the world..an understood way of living life ..we have become complex...very complex to mix our inner and outer world..its impossible..and let us even not dare to do it ...for you will find people waiting to rape it.
the devils..
belief belongs to our innerspace..our innerworld..
you feel like you are running in this dark..really dark tunnel with a strange belif that there is light in the end of the tunnel. you dont noe who told you and how did it enter in your system but you just believed in it and without any questions or challeges and even plotting options for yourself you just start running towards it..
it is called destiny.
yes i believe in destiny..the course of my journey to get to that light is a part of something called as life..
and i effortlessly accept that it will come to me on its own...because it just...will...
i may not have the best brain ..the biggest dream..the greatest belief..but it doesnt really matter in the end..because i get what i NEED,and anyways..it isnt really the end.
music-porcelain-moby
12.8.09
10.8.09
picture
an abstract pic of oasis in space
deep and confusing...will save it to understand it sometime later
9.6.09
my mind is a battlefield...and i try to kill ..and i duno who will be saved and dead but in the end i noe ..i noe i will be wounded ..wounded by the choice i made..
it feels strange to be stuck in a situation ...that is laughing at you and you fail to hear it,to understand it...a maze and you dunno which way to go..because you just noe what not to do..
i sumtimes feel that i dunno myself..
i feel i am doing the right thing...its just tht there is nothin to replace it...
it feels strange to be stuck in a situation ...that is laughing at you and you fail to hear it,to understand it...a maze and you dunno which way to go..because you just noe what not to do..
i sumtimes feel that i dunno myself..
i feel i am doing the right thing...its just tht there is nothin to replace it...
19.5.09
my fishy feeling
music-Hysteria, def leppard
i feel like being a fish...a dainty ,radiant and thin one with a bushy tail, more desirably orange in colour..or maybe my desperateness that would compromise being an ugly one,would still do i guess.
living in a grand aquarium all on my own.. moving swiftly in the water...wagging my tail ....
naming myself 'shieks' hehe.
i want to noe how it feels like to be a live water animal...
i want to feel what it is like when people gather around me and look at the way i move gently ,i stop ,i stare and move swiftly in the water ..even though this might feel similar.
my water .
sooner or later a face comes as ..it does inevitably and stares at me ..long and hard....he would stick his face and stare at me..knock my house and shake my water...big eyes that will try to scare me ,to trouble me .
it could be for FUN.
but i noe that it cant reach me,it cant touch me...it cant hear me..because im safe there..
there are no alarms and no surprises.........................................only peace and water and me
i feel like being a fish...a dainty ,radiant and thin one with a bushy tail, more desirably orange in colour..or maybe my desperateness that would compromise being an ugly one,would still do i guess.
living in a grand aquarium all on my own.. moving swiftly in the water...wagging my tail ....
naming myself 'shieks' hehe.
i want to noe how it feels like to be a live water animal...
i want to feel what it is like when people gather around me and look at the way i move gently ,i stop ,i stare and move swiftly in the water ..even though this might feel similar.
my water .
sooner or later a face comes as ..it does inevitably and stares at me ..long and hard....he would stick his face and stare at me..knock my house and shake my water...big eyes that will try to scare me ,to trouble me .
it could be for FUN.
but i noe that it cant reach me,it cant touch me...it cant hear me..because im safe there..
there are no alarms and no surprises.........................................only peace and water and me
13.5.09
I think
music-karma police,radiohead
mood-hmmm
people dont change...they simply dont change....things dont change...
its funny...
..if you ever thought you could fix it and for all the dumb reason you felt its ok.....in the end you realise that you cant...you simply cant and it is seriously not ok...
so just leave it..:) leave it to die...and if it doesnt die on its own...just kill it...
9.5.09
The Man with Doors..p.s and windows also
she sits on an orange seat of a white bus having red words scribbled on it.she looks out of the window and feels the warm sunlight on her face slightly hurting the eyes .she is doing everything that she is not comfortable with ,strange things and dissimilar situations are exciting her ,some strange sort of an optimism and something turning out to be a celebration has engulfed her mind.
the mind sometimes should do things that it doesn’t like doing and do stuff tat it never thought it would do because that poor thing is like a confused knotted thread that gets sorted on its own while we were busy cutting it with a scissor .
the wind kept blowing her hair and people kept making her laugh ...the sun cooled down and she slept sitting there .she was dreaming .
she dreamt about love .
love can never be far or close ,love doesn’t travel …its simply there when u want it to be there and disappears when u want it to, when you pretend that it has gone, unluckily also when it runs away .
she thinks that she has no reason why she loves him because the real reason was like a door that never opened before.
it was a tiny door and she couldn’t see it before
Her man had doors…she couldn’t count.
Some she knocked and some were open,
Some she kicked,
And some got broken,
Some he opened and some she opened
Walking in and out of them every single time..sometimes with a strange guilt and sometimes with inexplicable pleasure.
Bunch of happiness and sadness sometimes.
When she didn’t walk towards it ..he came …and love was in the picture somehow.
And she got scared of it somehow.
Love is the opposite of power that’s why people are scared of it and sometimes it does drive you crazy ….but craziness is basis of fine relationships.
The doors where not numbered….Fate took her to them and this whole process seemed beautiful to her because then, her love acted like a disinfectant when she was hurt , ice when she got burnt and fire when she wanted to be burnt .
For us time dies when we die but she believed time does die momentarily, she could feel it dying …slowly her legs ached to walk..she travelled from city to barren land…on bridges and then the deserts …in a day she felt the hot sun , the cold wind , the thundering and drizzle in the desert ..the wet sand the dry soil ..the sweet water ,the salty water…the music the dance
Everything she felt untied the knots and she could see the tiny door now
Her legs ached to walk anyhow but she preferred sitting somehow.
the mind sometimes should do things that it doesn’t like doing and do stuff tat it never thought it would do because that poor thing is like a confused knotted thread that gets sorted on its own while we were busy cutting it with a scissor .
the wind kept blowing her hair and people kept making her laugh ...the sun cooled down and she slept sitting there .she was dreaming .
she dreamt about love .
love can never be far or close ,love doesn’t travel …its simply there when u want it to be there and disappears when u want it to, when you pretend that it has gone, unluckily also when it runs away .
she thinks that she has no reason why she loves him because the real reason was like a door that never opened before.
it was a tiny door and she couldn’t see it before
Her man had doors…she couldn’t count.
Some she knocked and some were open,
Some she kicked,
And some got broken,
Some he opened and some she opened
Walking in and out of them every single time..sometimes with a strange guilt and sometimes with inexplicable pleasure.
Bunch of happiness and sadness sometimes.
When she didn’t walk towards it ..he came …and love was in the picture somehow.
And she got scared of it somehow.
Love is the opposite of power that’s why people are scared of it and sometimes it does drive you crazy ….but craziness is basis of fine relationships.
The doors where not numbered….Fate took her to them and this whole process seemed beautiful to her because then, her love acted like a disinfectant when she was hurt , ice when she got burnt and fire when she wanted to be burnt .
For us time dies when we die but she believed time does die momentarily, she could feel it dying …slowly her legs ached to walk..she travelled from city to barren land…on bridges and then the deserts …in a day she felt the hot sun , the cold wind , the thundering and drizzle in the desert ..the wet sand the dry soil ..the sweet water ,the salty water…the music the dance
Everything she felt untied the knots and she could see the tiny door now
Her legs ached to walk anyhow but she preferred sitting somehow.
7.12.08
words and languages:simpler the better? (something that we already noe)
she doesnt know what happend millions of years ago because 'her journey' began few years back thou there were these intelligent 'humans' who could trace the journey of our specie and educated us about the evolution of life..according to me the best discovery ever.we believed it.period.i mean we were amoeba long time ago! i start wondering everytime i think of this..(dude..amoeba!)
she has been landed here without her consent... i mean when would and how would you ask her consent by the ways! lol...she was in the making no.....
skipping few years she is now at the age where she has begun to rationalize her thoughts i.e she no longer has to touch a parked car everytime she passes by because 'she noes' how it feels..(she is not rani mukherjii of black) she is a normal human being .
she talks and when she talks there are these certain words that imbibes feelings.there are some words no matter how much intimidating and dumb they would make u 'feel' at the end of the day they ...... wouldnt mean anything to you ...because you dont noe how they feel...
you noe how 'hug' feels..i hope you noe how 'kiss' feels... every word carries a meaning and even the word meaning in itself..as we all noe words form sentences and finally a language!
there are.....ummmmm many languages spoken all over the world ..some gaining a lot of importance and necessity for 'communication'.
she got vacations and she taught of using her time by learning something that she has never learnt before..she remembers eating godiva and ages later discovering that the 'word' she pronounced as godiva is not the correct pronunciation..thou the feeling was the same because she had tasted it... she felt terribly dumb.she noes few people in her family who kept making these kind of errors in english while they were getting educated because there was no one to correct them ...there was no google... ( i bet they must have pronounced it as googley and god noes what kind of reading sessions their mind must have registered) to teach them the right way to pronounce these 'words'.
out of all the languages she picked up the coolest one ...'french' (many colleges prefer to include this language in the curriculum and i still dont understand the importance) .from my knowledge i gather that a lot of words in other languages have been picked up from french (so what!)
she kept learning it...and she could now understand the vowel boundaries which are soo inconvenient ....which makes the language a bit difficult to grasp..she learnt it fair enough to communicate it with others ...i mean she spent considerable amount of time learning this thing only to realise that the words feel the same ....goodbye means the same in all languages.....why? because you noe how goodbye feels,even worse ..how a forever goodbye will make you feel.
how advanced are we and how similar are we all ...... on these face of earth that the same word in thousand languages will get out the same emotions.....so she wonderd as to why she learnt it in the first place because even after getting comfortable with the language..it didnt make her feel better ..or different because she wanted to do something diferent...
it will only make sense if she plans to live in france tomorrow..oresle other than getting the brand names correct ..its of no 'use'.
one of the best lines of coelho,from 'brida'-(even though its a little out of context of this topic.)
'god manifests himself in everything,but the word is one of his most favoured methods of doing so,because the word is thought transformed into vibration; you are projecting into the air around you something which, before,was only energy.take great care with everything you say''the word has more power than many rituals'.
she has been landed here without her consent... i mean when would and how would you ask her consent by the ways! lol...she was in the making no.....
skipping few years she is now at the age where she has begun to rationalize her thoughts i.e she no longer has to touch a parked car everytime she passes by because 'she noes' how it feels..(she is not rani mukherjii of black) she is a normal human being .
she talks and when she talks there are these certain words that imbibes feelings.there are some words no matter how much intimidating and dumb they would make u 'feel' at the end of the day they ...... wouldnt mean anything to you ...because you dont noe how they feel...
you noe how 'hug' feels..i hope you noe how 'kiss' feels... every word carries a meaning and even the word meaning in itself..as we all noe words form sentences and finally a language!
there are.....ummmmm many languages spoken all over the world ..some gaining a lot of importance and necessity for 'communication'.
she got vacations and she taught of using her time by learning something that she has never learnt before..she remembers eating godiva and ages later discovering that the 'word' she pronounced as godiva is not the correct pronunciation..thou the feeling was the same because she had tasted it... she felt terribly dumb.she noes few people in her family who kept making these kind of errors in english while they were getting educated because there was no one to correct them ...there was no google... ( i bet they must have pronounced it as googley and god noes what kind of reading sessions their mind must have registered) to teach them the right way to pronounce these 'words'.
out of all the languages she picked up the coolest one ...'french' (many colleges prefer to include this language in the curriculum and i still dont understand the importance) .from my knowledge i gather that a lot of words in other languages have been picked up from french (so what!)
she kept learning it...and she could now understand the vowel boundaries which are soo inconvenient ....which makes the language a bit difficult to grasp..she learnt it fair enough to communicate it with others ...i mean she spent considerable amount of time learning this thing only to realise that the words feel the same ....goodbye means the same in all languages.....why? because you noe how goodbye feels,even worse ..how a forever goodbye will make you feel.
how advanced are we and how similar are we all ...... on these face of earth that the same word in thousand languages will get out the same emotions.....so she wonderd as to why she learnt it in the first place because even after getting comfortable with the language..it didnt make her feel better ..or different because she wanted to do something diferent...
it will only make sense if she plans to live in france tomorrow..oresle other than getting the brand names correct ..its of no 'use'.
one of the best lines of coelho,from 'brida'-(even though its a little out of context of this topic.)
'god manifests himself in everything,but the word is one of his most favoured methods of doing so,because the word is thought transformed into vibration; you are projecting into the air around you something which, before,was only energy.take great care with everything you say''the word has more power than many rituals'.
5.12.08
the great mystery
she lived a secret life that no one knew..she had a world within herself,her dreams..her likes and dislikes..her occasional fears and too many voices that told her what to do and what not to do .this happend in her secret life. she also had a set of people that she choose to open up with out there because she knew that she had nothing to fear,her inner thoughts formed an inner life for her.when she was young she was taught that soul and body form a human being.
As you change your beliefs you change the world you experience.
she planned things when the moment was 'over' and wasted another moment planning for the moment that is present which got over again..
life was like this for her inside...because the outer life was filled with materialization and virtualization and her inner life consisted of fantasies,dreams and emotions experienced subjectively.
she thought she had a deep soul i.e she always thought deeply, because she believed in her 'innerspace' tremendously and kept exploring it .
we possessed innerspace and outerspace and then as and when time progressed newer worlds were added...now she has cyberspace,socialspace,infospace thanks to the internet world,her social life and the advancement of science respectively she kept switching in and out of these worlds...without realising that they all are not the same...she has multiple personalities..and lives in different worlds existing on similar grounds ...but
but..............but....................................one thing is common.................that keeps following her....her essence ...her core...her 'divine soul'.
when she analysed herself she realised that she has no control over it and that she would be living like this...she doesnt mind because every one is....and what makes it fine is the fact that she needs to be happy in whichever world she is in...
she now searches for a higher level of understanding to be revealed so that she never lets moments pass by like this...and gradually forgets about these different worlds because there is and will be one soul but there will always be many worlds to live in...
As you change your beliefs you change the world you experience.
she planned things when the moment was 'over' and wasted another moment planning for the moment that is present which got over again..
life was like this for her inside...because the outer life was filled with materialization and virtualization and her inner life consisted of fantasies,dreams and emotions experienced subjectively.
she thought she had a deep soul i.e she always thought deeply, because she believed in her 'innerspace' tremendously and kept exploring it .
we possessed innerspace and outerspace and then as and when time progressed newer worlds were added...now she has cyberspace,socialspace,infospace thanks to the internet world,her social life and the advancement of science respectively she kept switching in and out of these worlds...without realising that they all are not the same...she has multiple personalities..and lives in different worlds existing on similar grounds ...but
but..............but....................................one thing is common.................that keeps following her....her essence ...her core...her 'divine soul'.
when she analysed herself she realised that she has no control over it and that she would be living like this...she doesnt mind because every one is....and what makes it fine is the fact that she needs to be happy in whichever world she is in...
she now searches for a higher level of understanding to be revealed so that she never lets moments pass by like this...and gradually forgets about these different worlds because there is and will be one soul but there will always be many worlds to live in...
24.7.08
send your love
Send your love into the future ,
Send your love into the distant dawnInside your mind is a relay station,
A mission probe into the unknowingWe send a seed to a distant future,
Then we can watch the galaxies growing,
This ain't no time for doubting your power,
This ain't no time for hiding your care,
You're climbing down from an ivory tower,
You've got a stake in the world we ought to share,
You see the stars are moving so slowly,
But still the earth is moving so fast,
Can't you see the moon is so lonely,
She's still trapped in the pain of the past,
This is the time of the worlds colliding,
This is the time of kingdoms falling'
This is the time of the worlds dividing,
Time to heed your call,
Send your love into the future,
Send your precious love into some distant time,
And fix that wounded planet with the love of your healing ,
Send your love.
Send your love .
There's no religion but sex and music,
There's no religion but sound and dancing,
There's no religion but line and color,
There's no religion but sacred trance'
There's no religion but the endless ocean,
There's no religion but the moon and stars,
There's no religion but time and motion,
There's no religion, just tribal scars,
Throw a pebble in and watch the ocean,
See the ripples vanish in the distance,
It's just the same with all the emotions,
It's just the same in every instance,
There's no religion but the joys of rhythm,
There's no religion but the rites of Spring,
There's no religion in the path of hate,
No prayer but the one I sing.
Send your love into the future,
Send your precious love into some distant time ,
And fix that wounded planet with the love of your healing ,
Send your love .
Send your love .
There's no religion but sex and music,
There's no religion that's right or winning,
There's no religion in the path of hatred,
Ain't no prayer but the one I'm singing,
Send your love.
Send your love.
Send your love into the distant dawnInside your mind is a relay station,
A mission probe into the unknowingWe send a seed to a distant future,
Then we can watch the galaxies growing,
This ain't no time for doubting your power,
This ain't no time for hiding your care,
You're climbing down from an ivory tower,
You've got a stake in the world we ought to share,
You see the stars are moving so slowly,
But still the earth is moving so fast,
Can't you see the moon is so lonely,
She's still trapped in the pain of the past,
This is the time of the worlds colliding,
This is the time of kingdoms falling'
This is the time of the worlds dividing,
Time to heed your call,
Send your love into the future,
Send your precious love into some distant time,
And fix that wounded planet with the love of your healing ,
Send your love.
Send your love .
There's no religion but sex and music,
There's no religion but sound and dancing,
There's no religion but line and color,
There's no religion but sacred trance'
There's no religion but the endless ocean,
There's no religion but the moon and stars,
There's no religion but time and motion,
There's no religion, just tribal scars,
Throw a pebble in and watch the ocean,
See the ripples vanish in the distance,
It's just the same with all the emotions,
It's just the same in every instance,
There's no religion but the joys of rhythm,
There's no religion but the rites of Spring,
There's no religion in the path of hate,
No prayer but the one I sing.
Send your love into the future,
Send your precious love into some distant time ,
And fix that wounded planet with the love of your healing ,
Send your love .
Send your love .
There's no religion but sex and music,
There's no religion that's right or winning,
There's no religion in the path of hatred,
Ain't no prayer but the one I'm singing,
Send your love.
Send your love.
19.7.08
the source
the influence of something on your actions.impulsiveness as you would term.it is generating from this source which is technically speakin doesnt hold importance,but then it drives me .i need sumthing which drives me,a determination which comes from a source.but what if that source is happiness and sadness also.its like a flowing river.the sadness has profound obsession in it and life seems so empty and sick without it.it is a delirium of some sort.i guess it was always in that fashion for me.the source is a microcosm of macrocosm.
have u realised what happens when u stop the flowing river?when you block the source?
you cannot describe the state of mind! the source is blessing and a curse.it lets me grow but at the same times it hinders me from growing.it is a bit wierd.let me not camouflage it but it is some sort of an inexplicable feeling which i love tripping over.it is subconsiously influencing me .it has become an innervoice.do you noe how it feels when u decide to end the innervoice?
well the circle always comes to an end and it is said that everything in life is temporary.so what do i see now? going through that same again? all i noe is that i cant change myself from being what i am..i noe what it is..it is soo pure that i wouldnt reveal it to any one! it is soo difficult to accept certain things in life...you just dont want them to end..sometimes things just change in flicker of time .even if things happen gradually,they still end! i mean even if you dont block it,it will end.
so what next ? shall we force ourself to wait for the new beginning ? because it will end anyways! or wait for something that shall influence our mind to leap towards the beginning! but the point is will it always be like this? there is no point in anticipating future .im growing in terms of experience but im corroding from inside.but i still have faith ...you noe that one letter word which is so driving and powerful..now from this time onwards it shall be a secret within myself because the source has become a shame for me.i cant believe this but it was expected.
have u realised what happens when u stop the flowing river?when you block the source?
you cannot describe the state of mind! the source is blessing and a curse.it lets me grow but at the same times it hinders me from growing.it is a bit wierd.let me not camouflage it but it is some sort of an inexplicable feeling which i love tripping over.it is subconsiously influencing me .it has become an innervoice.do you noe how it feels when u decide to end the innervoice?
well the circle always comes to an end and it is said that everything in life is temporary.so what do i see now? going through that same again? all i noe is that i cant change myself from being what i am..i noe what it is..it is soo pure that i wouldnt reveal it to any one! it is soo difficult to accept certain things in life...you just dont want them to end..sometimes things just change in flicker of time .even if things happen gradually,they still end! i mean even if you dont block it,it will end.
so what next ? shall we force ourself to wait for the new beginning ? because it will end anyways! or wait for something that shall influence our mind to leap towards the beginning! but the point is will it always be like this? there is no point in anticipating future .im growing in terms of experience but im corroding from inside.but i still have faith ...you noe that one letter word which is so driving and powerful..now from this time onwards it shall be a secret within myself because the source has become a shame for me.i cant believe this but it was expected.
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gogu
there are some days without a smile