I noe where games took inspiration from...
from life.
my life is the biggest sly ever!! just when i thought its the way it should better be..it surprises me with a sudden horrible bump..i hate that bump.
it can be the funniest thing ever..it can make you do the stupidest thing ever.. blah blah blah


Dedicated to Banganga

cursing my destiny for not bringing me to this place before..and slapping myself for not clicking more photos! since my brain was in the auto mode!


my class trip

its amazing how a city can make u feel..i have repeatedly read it somewhere that people will forget what you told them,what you did to them..but they will never forget how you made them feel. absolutely true.i had been to delhi and agra before with my parents ..and to be honest ..it had kinda bored me to death and plus i was quite young to rationalize or even think of having opinions about the places i visited..it literally bored me..and i have absolutely no memories as such.

when i went for my class trip this year..i had no idea how it might turn out..i love my classmates and class trips are a perfect getaway with a bunch of known people and trust me..even if it had been to dharavi it wud have still rocked! but 2 weeks was a lot of time....and it kind of became a big boss situation for us :P

maybe India is not a big canvas and there are literally no places in here that would make u awe or appreciate something you havent seen..something related to the present day time..something that we can connect with you noe..

so this time it was history that did the charm..love it or hate it..moghul architecture is grand..flamboyant..the fact that no one will built all this ever again is enough a reason to appreciate it..(nobody would want to..is a different thing)..(Hrithik roshan..iss so bloody Akbar for me ..and will always be :-} )...

Agra is not a modern day city...that city is....old..it is still soo old..and if historical sites out there continue to throb millions of people like us ...it would be caged in a very wierd time period..and it would be fun to go there 20 years from now..i would love to figure out how it would make me feel then...

its like someone gave u that time machine where you just went back hundreds of years ago..and listen to events happend there..because everything in someway or the other is woven in that strong past..from beggars to businessmen..earn a living there due to its historic presence..Agra is a place where time machine could take you to...because it makes you feel ancient..atleast thats the best way i could describe it..

moving to chandigarh.......................GUYS that place isss awesomee...i was jealous of that place man..the weather,cheap booze,wide wide roads..(its a planned city btw)that city is soo fair with people..its a bit monotonus but still..every morning bought a smile on my face and cute punjabi guys kept me going :P and if you want antonym for mumbai its apt..that city has everything every mumbaikar wants! i am not really a big fan of brutalism but its a very justified and a huge example landed in india to be appreciated..not my style thou..panjab university is by far the best university i have visited.. that structure would want you to be a part of it forever..:-}

then comes Delhi...(and we dont care if its the capital of our country)..minus the fact that it is clean and ohh yeah the METRO..which is the only point it scores over any damn thing in our country..delhi is damn shady man! I didnt like the people there..they were not perverts.. but..they somehow were unfriendly.....cheaters in the dark..invisible crooks..as if u noe u have to be cautious about everything you do..and if ur a chick..its even more..shieks! people seemed satisfied but unavailable for some reason...i didnt find one single man or group of notorious kids there...like we see in mumbai! those pain in the asses..matter of fact..there was no humour in the air..minus the India gate(rem the scene in rdb?) and rashtrapati bhavan that ozzed out patriotism in all of us...delhi had nothing to offer to me..delhi was depressing atleast for a mumbaikar..

as i am pretty bad with endings..i just want to add one last thing..mumbai is dirty and congested n all that plus with the weather thats getting worse day by day..we all love and value bombay..because it makes me what i am today..Bombay is beautiful..

What I feel for Bombay you will never know. Its like the pure love for a beautiful woman, gratitude for her existance, and devotion to her living presence. If Bombay were a creature with flesh and blood, with my blood type. Rh negative - and very often I think she is - then I would give her a transfusion down to my last drop, to save her life.-Shantaram


be the water that touches her feet..then the sun shines while the wind is blowing everything..come over her feet slowly, make that loud noise..only to flow away..
(what a myth..it felt as if she was moving away)..taking her sand beneath ..taking the world away with you..leaving the depression beneath...but she walks towards water..that comes running towards her like a child..only to go away again.Now she is quite inside..where water is every where..
It goes and comes again but it doesnt matter..
you cant always blame others for everything and blaming yourself doesnt convince .you get caught up in a situation like this and you dont noe what to do..but it doesnt matter..thats gravity of life.
dont fight,dont shout,dont do it,dont mess,please understand..it makes her bad..and she doesnt want to be bad...
she takes the boat and starts to sail..comes in between the sea where there is water everywhere..but suddenly there is storm and the boat starts sinking .. she starts throwing everything out one by one ..but..it doesnt help...
you do all it takes to save it from drowing but it takes everything away..
in the eyes of the storm..youll see a lonely dove..the experience of survival is the key..to the Gravity of Love



i cant explain how much i hate phatakas...

its nothing but that idiotic thrill ..of buying costly phatakas and listening to the dhom dhom!...causes discomfort ..and after a point of time it is annoying dude...it becomes very annoying when the whole world does it....!!

arghh ## that dhom dhom dhom dhom....feel like putting that bomb in ur A&##


stuff in the mind

it is about 'wrong' and 'right'...about 'sadness' and 'happiness'...about 'revealing' and 'hiding'....there are opposites for everything and words which dont have them dont mean anything....we make machines and use them for our needs ,sometimes i feel even we all are like machines but thats wrong because we arent. the reason being we have feelings...

i like the world around me and i dont noe whom to thank but sometimes i sit and wonder and i express my gratitude to whomsoever it is concerned..

when i read the above line again..i felt as if i dont mean it at all! can we all reach a point of time in our lives when nothing pleases us? just like how doing things bore us... can living a life be equally boring? its a heavy burden to 'live' the life sometimes..


so we all have principles...but who makes them? me..i ..ourselves..and when exactly did we make them? we dont noe.....we dont even noe all of them..

its funny and strange how ignorant and helpless are we..and even ranting will do no good..but believe it or not..its an exercise that will make me sink this fact in my computer for atleast a few days....

sucker sucker sucker for everything and nothing..i want everything...i desire everything and i keep doing it for myself...and then i dont do it...

then the new ideas come into being,the new theories come in the scene and myself has a shaky ground...myself wonders..and wonders again whether was it right?

there are few number of people whu want to be dickheads and i can effortlessly be one! hahah ofcourse i prefer to be one only sometimes thou..


best the new beginning

this world...our world..should advance rapidly..and i have no idea how long it will take for this advancement but it should....something like the stuff that we see in sci-fi..
i believe this advancement will open up.....open up the eyes of all those who are sleeping and clueless..the ones who are soo ignorant! and here i dont mean.. to blame them by calling them ignorant..please..who am i to do that ya!
i cant believe this but all of a sudden i am noticing poverty around me from a different point of view..i see beggars crawing bridges..small kids with no legs and hands..no clothes to wear..
a shabby looking man being questioned by the tc on the platform..the same woman everyday at the traffic signal..begging!a poor man running soo hard to catch the train along with the heavy basket on his head..the other day i went to this construction site to understand pile foundation and i fucking cudnt bear the heat even for 30 min...and i saw labourers sweating their ass off
i mean i am not getting emotional about this..it doesnt help..i dont bloody thank god..or i mean...thats not what i am trying to put here..but ..why cant this world..become best!
like say if it is in such a condition where people have to beg in order to live..when will the time come when we all ... i mean we ALL become such ..that begging or stealing food doesnt exist ...poverty will not exist...at all!
and then the world becomes best! where we all compete for something bigger and better than best!
where every1 is self sufficient..intelligent ..and happy..
poverty is very very disturbing..
today just when i was about to get down from train ..this v.poor woman with 2 small kids and a big bag got into first clss..and all the others roared at her..and mind u there were 2 more kids with her husband! GOD!
she got freaked and started crying! coz she apparently was going to see another kid of theirs who was battling for life..ufff..why so many kids?isnt that stupidity! when u cant raise them well..why bring them in this world ?
let us all be best so that we can raise hundreds of them ;)



some days are soo perfect..busy-ness is so to say seems perfect for me..its strange but i really have started to believe the fact that i like extremes..now there were these days when i just prefered doing nothing..i mean literally nothing! and then there are days when i keep myself soo bloody busy that time just flies..
so..lets get on to the busy-ness baibeee...



i like manhattan......i like americans...yep..i doooooo


of war and worlds

In my dreams i am dying all the time,as i wake its kaleidoscopic mind.
I never meant to hurt you ..
I never meant to lie ..So this is goodbye ...This is goodbye ..Tell the truth you never wanted me.. Tell me In my dreams ..I'm jealous all the time ..
As I wake I'm going out of my mind Going out of my mind ...
war is illegal..war is hell..war is the time when life becomes death or who noes worse than that.
the turbulance in life when you loose everything that you have.losing your world that made you u.disunion with what you are,what you were..war detached you with what you wanted to be.
inequitable doom.
implacable crumps she heard bought her world crashing down..her world was as cynical as it could possibly get.. puff of bullets hitting her people ..not a moment of peace..
nowhere she could find a quiet place to sit and rest just to calm her shaken mind.
witnessing her world falling apart her stubborn,obstinate crisis tore her world apart..
cinema has shown us decades of violence and some of the movies contain the most naturalistic depiction of what happens when human beings are shot dead with rifles or ripped apart by grenades.
This war just like most of the others that took place in the past had a serious moral issue.
eccentric! really bizzare means ..to achieve something by means of destruction.
how can you gain something by bleeding lives? where to go? and what if her world never got built again?...what if she lived just to die ?
flogged soul.the emptiness..when all life she lived to fill the voids and tying knots,today she had nothing to give.
it ends and everything is done with.people bit the dust. she was desolated and devastated to the point that she lost all the connection..connection with what? well...her world?it doesnt exist anymore..
she was a child of ruination.
there are two ways of looking at everything,not necessarily white or black.life really is in shades of grey and in that sense silence is the grey word.we observe moment of silence when people die in order to remember and reflect the event,yet there are times when silence is soo negative,things fall apart because of noiselessness.
but it is not words(presence of speech) but actions that causes attactment..and while walking down the lane,indifferent towards aftermath ,she found him, looking at her from his innocent ,lost eyes .
he was a kid left alone in the streets due to ongoing battle.
she didnt noe why or how she thought of this,but in her heart he was the ray of hope.
she took him in her arms and hugged him hard.stared into his watery eyes and decided to make him her world,her family and not due to egotistic reason.
silence is all they spoke while she left untraced ,waiting to be healed.
attachment is healing.


hush hush

what is lazinesss?
laziness is to not do something tat you are supposed to do ...till the water reaches your nose..and starts to run over..and then you wake up and realise tat time has passed by and you are soo bloody late!
from the past 1 week all i am doing is telling myself i wish..i wish..i did nothing to take advantage of the swine flu vacation...absolutely nothing..besides sleeping,drinking ,movies and games! damn..
i am finnaly happy that i started with my auto-cad class..something tat i was hoping to start learning in the vacations...but all i did then was get drunk and roam with frnds! ..time really is money!


A passing thought

if all u want to do is write...write...about what you did ..like a daily basis diary o sumthin..to achieve satisfaction..then to an extent i strongly feel that all you need to do is find a friend..or find a different way to please yourself..

why to write what you did? why?


The greatest belief

it is like searching from somewhere..something that you feel you need it.
it is the need for the moment .
something like a book that you wanted to find out where it is kept in a messy cupboard..or like an old pair of tshirt you suddenly felt the urge to wear..
and you start searching for it.
i think 24-7 ..and i would really need another garima to note down what i thought..because i cant sit and recall...
its like running water..but when i sit and stare ..i can recall bits of it...bits of what i WANT..
is it possible that you just cannot find what you want?...what if you 'knew' that the book is in the shelf and you are digging the shelf soo badly to get IT..and you are just not able to find it still..
no right? if it is present there..all you have to do is search for it.
something similar happens to my belief system.i believe....belief is the most effortless thing.. it is there..always and it keeps us going ..as if we are born to find that..(the book? the tshirt?)
belief is having confidence in TRUTH...how truthful are we to ourselfs? our wants and our needs?
it has got nothing to do with the mask that we wear on your faces and step out into the world..an understood way of living life ..we have become complex...very complex to mix our inner and outer world..its impossible..and let us even not dare to do it ...for you will find people waiting to rape it.
the devils..
belief belongs to our innerspace..our innerworld..
you feel like you are running in this dark..really dark tunnel with a strange belif that there is light in the end of the tunnel. you dont noe who told you and how did it enter in your system but you just believed in it and without any questions or challeges and even plotting options for yourself you just start running towards it..
it is called destiny.
yes i believe in destiny..the course of my journey to get to that light is a part of something called as life..
and i effortlessly accept that it will come to me on its own...because it just...will...
i may not have the best brain ..the biggest dream..the greatest belief..but it doesnt really matter in the end..because i get what i NEED,and anyways..it isnt really the end.



an abstract pic of oasis in space
deep and confusing...will save it to understand it sometime later


my mind is a battlefield...and i try to kill ..and i duno who will be saved and dead but in the end i noe ..i noe i will be wounded ..wounded by the choice i made..

it feels strange to be stuck in a situation ...that is laughing at you and you fail to hear it,to understand it...a maze and you dunno which way to go..because you just noe what not to do..

i sumtimes feel that i dunno myself..

i feel i am doing the right thing...its just tht there is nothin to replace it...


my fishy feeling

music-Hysteria, def leppard
i feel like being a fish...a dainty ,radiant and thin one with a bushy tail, more desirably orange in colour..or maybe my desperateness that would compromise being an ugly one,would still do i guess.
living in a grand aquarium all on my own.. moving swiftly in the water...wagging my tail ....
naming myself 'shieks' hehe.
i want to noe how it feels like to be a live water animal...
i want to feel what it is like when people gather around me and look at the way i move gently ,i stop ,i stare and move swiftly in the water ..even though this might feel similar.
my water .
sooner or later a face comes as ..it does inevitably and stares at me ..long and hard....he would stick his face and stare at me..knock my house and shake my water...big eyes that will try to scare me ,to trouble me .
it could be for FUN.
but i noe that it cant reach me,it cant touch me...it cant hear me..because im safe there..
there are no alarms and no surprises.........................................only peace and water and me


I think

music-karma police,radiohead


people dont change...they simply dont change....things dont change...

its funny...

..if you ever thought you could fix it and for all the dumb reason you felt its ok.....in the end you realise that you cant...you simply cant and it is seriously not ok...

so just leave it..:) leave it to die...and if it doesnt die on its own...just kill it...


The Man with Doors..p.s and windows also

she sits on an orange seat of a white bus having red words scribbled on it.she looks out of the window and feels the warm sunlight on her face slightly hurting the eyes .she is doing everything that she is not comfortable with ,strange things and dissimilar situations are exciting her ,some strange sort of an optimism and something turning out to be a celebration has engulfed her mind.
the mind sometimes should do things that it doesn’t like doing and do stuff tat it never thought it would do because that poor thing is like a confused knotted thread that gets sorted on its own while we were busy cutting it with a scissor .

the wind kept blowing her hair and people kept making her laugh ...the sun cooled down and she slept sitting there .she was dreaming .
she dreamt about love .
love can never be far or close ,love doesn’t travel …its simply there when u want it to be there and disappears when u want it to, when you pretend that it has gone, unluckily also when it runs away .
she thinks that she has no reason why she loves him because the real reason was like a door that never opened before.
it was a tiny door and she couldn’t see it before
Her man had doors…she couldn’t count.
Some she knocked and some were open,
Some she kicked,
And some got broken,
Some he opened and some she opened
Walking in and out of them every single time..sometimes with a strange guilt and sometimes with inexplicable pleasure.
Bunch of happiness and sadness sometimes.
When she didn’t walk towards it ..he came …and love was in the picture somehow.
And she got scared of it somehow.
Love is the opposite of power that’s why people are scared of it and sometimes it does drive you crazy ….but craziness is basis of fine relationships.
The doors where not numbered….Fate took her to them and this whole process seemed beautiful to her because then, her love acted like a disinfectant when she was hurt , ice when she got burnt and fire when she wanted to be burnt .
For us time dies when we die but she believed time does die momentarily, she could feel it dying …slowly her legs ached to walk..she travelled from city to barren land…on bridges and then the deserts …in a day she felt the hot sun , the cold wind , the thundering and drizzle in the desert ..the wet sand the dry soil ..the sweet water ,the salty water…the music the dance
Everything she felt untied the knots and she could see the tiny door now
Her legs ached to walk anyhow but she preferred sitting somehow.


there are some days without a smile