the influence of something on your actions.impulsiveness as you would term.it is generating from this source which is technically speakin doesnt hold importance,but then it drives me .i need sumthing which drives me,a determination which comes from a source.but what if that source is happiness and sadness also.its like a flowing river.the sadness has profound obsession in it and life seems so empty and sick without it.it is a delirium of some sort.i guess it was always in that fashion for me.the source is a microcosm of macrocosm.
have u realised what happens when u stop the flowing river?when you block the source?
you cannot describe the state of mind! the source is blessing and a curse.it lets me grow but at the same times it hinders me from growing.it is a bit wierd.let me not camouflage it but it is some sort of an inexplicable feeling which i love tripping over.it is subconsiously influencing me .it has become an innervoice.do you noe how it feels when u decide to end the innervoice?
well the circle always comes to an end and it is said that everything in life is temporary.so what do i see now? going through that same again? all i noe is that i cant change myself from being what i am..i noe what it is..it is soo pure that i wouldnt reveal it to any one! it is soo difficult to accept certain things in life...you just dont want them to end..sometimes things just change in flicker of time .even if things happen gradually,they still end! i mean even if you dont block it,it will end.
so what next ? shall we force ourself to wait for the new beginning ? because it will end anyways! or wait for something that shall influence our mind to leap towards the beginning! but the point is will it always be like this? there is no point in anticipating future .im growing in terms of experience but im corroding from inside.but i still have faith ...you noe that one letter word which is so driving and powerful..now from this time onwards it shall be a secret within myself because the source has become a shame for me.i cant believe this but it was expected.